Change In Plans?

Well... I feel like someone or many people have been praying for me because God gave me a total change of heart. I was longing for peace and joy and contentment, but was not feeling any of those emotions all at one time or on a consistent basis. HOWEVER, I feel them all now, and I am very thankful and feel like it is close to a miracle. Thank you to all of those who have been praying for me. This is how it all started...

Friday I went up north with just Kenz. It was an easy trip up and we got there early morning. I was looking forward to some time to get unpacked and organized, but I was hit with the same emotion I felt when I was at home by myself. I wanted to sell our home because I felt horrible there... kind of a mix between depressed and moody. I realized that it is NOT the home, it is when I am by myself that I feel this way. Thankfully Pete's mom came over later in the afternoon and I had time to reflect with her and later with Pete. Once I realized this, I started re-thinking the whole house thing. We love our home, we love the layout, we love how the companies are set up already in the office, we love how it is organized and clean, we love the patio and the basement that Pete finished. What I do not like is how I feel when I am there alone. Also, I had a horrible experience bringing Makenzie home so I dreaded the thought of bringing more babies home there... but my mom said that it might be time for us to replace bad memories with good ones. I need to work through this because the feelings will not change no matter where I am. Pete is working longer hours now so it is only going to be more apparent, but I feel a huge peace in knowing that it is not the structure or the location but rather the loneliness and the time to think too much.

Pete & I are going to make a decision this weekend but we are leaning towards taking the house off the market. It would put us in a stable position financially, it would take away the stress of having to move, it would prevent us from taking a loss with the home and would force me to turn to God, family & friends in my times of being alone. I know I have a little one that should distract me, but that does not always work. She is a huge blessing but is not a band-aid in my emotional times.

So basically, I am actually feeling a peace in staying in our home. This is a miracle to me and I know that it is an answer to my own prayers and to the prayers of many others. I actually want to go take the for sale sign down and throw it away right now... but I know we have to think it through. Pete said he would like to stay in the home but understands why I would want to move... so he is supportive either way. He is seriously the best. I felt crazy when I told him I wanted to stay, but he just laughed and said "whatever makes you happy babe". I love the guy.